i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
