My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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