Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
