we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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