if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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