I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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