I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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