she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
