I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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