I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
