I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
