my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
