I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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