I'm really into asian looking animals
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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