i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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