watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
