i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You have to summon your inner elephant
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
