I've blown a few things in my day
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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