I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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