Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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