Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
