hell yes lets make some ravioli
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize