I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
