oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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