people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
