totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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