Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
