It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
