Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
