The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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