Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why do cheetos always look like penises
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
