Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
