Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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