Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
