Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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