I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
