Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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