She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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