No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
