i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My balls are so social today.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
