I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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