I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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