Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
