I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
