turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
