make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
