What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
