It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize