Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
