Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
