every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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