so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
