im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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