she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.