there's paper in my vomit.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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