I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.