i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face