pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
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How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.