Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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