omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
