I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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