i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
