She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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